Clarity Not Comparison.

President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I had to remind myself of this recently after drinks with a good friend where she shared her professional successes. I also follow her on social media so I know what she’s up to and how hard she works (which is really hard). The next couple of days, I noticed I was getting frustrated with myself after our time together. To be clear, I am very proud of her. (She is smart, works extremely hard, goes after what she wants and has earned all of her success.) I wasn’t feeling jealous; but I was feeling like I wasn’t not enough or doing enough. After reflecting on my emotions and noticing that I was being extra hard on myself (I’m already pretty tough on myself) I reminded myself that we are in different places professionally and we have different goals. We are different people.

In comparing myself to her, I was robbing myself of the joy I rightly deserved from my own successes.

I then remembered Brenè Brown’s wisdom “Clear is kind.” While I think Brenè’s intent was being clear to others, in reality the same is true for ourselves. It is just as important to be clear with myself. I need to be clear with myself on my values, goals, personal needs, and core desired feelings.

• Values are a set of beliefs that I strive to live by such as best self and holistic living.

• Goals are our big things to work for and accomplish such as graduating from the Coach U Advanced program or running 10 miles.

• Personal needs are things that I must have in order to do my best such as freedom and to be needed.

• Core Desired Feelings (thank you, Danielle LaPorte) is the process of creating our goals and making our decisions based on how we want to feel, not what we think we want to achieve. CDFs could include light, strong, secure and independent.

This clarity holds me in alignment with my journey and not distracted by someone else’s. Being clear and kind with myself gives me joy!