I distinctly remember the moment when I truly felt the weight of the organization on my shoulders. They sagged and I felt guilty about anything negative I had ever said to the previous Executive Director. I only thought I knew, but I really had no clue. It was after 5:00 and I was alone; sitting at her old hand me down wooden desk in my new office working on budgets and it hit me. The entire organization depended on me. What was I doing?
As an Executive Director, I often felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants. There was no training manual or any formal training from the former Executive Director. She was probably flying by the seat of her pants too.
While I was an Executive Director, I was constantly dealing with new issues. How does one deal with the interviewee who said she hit someone the last time she was angry or the intern that picked his girlfriend up from the airport in the company bus because “it seemed fun”? Or the two staff members who turned in travel expenses for a $100 dinner? How do you hold your grief and the grief of the staff when a staff member passes away unexpectedly?
I often wondered, “How did this become my job?! I just wanted to help children.”